ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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