Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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