i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
