I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
