you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
