non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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