ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
