We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
