i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
