well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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