you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
