Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So here I am, sexting at work.
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