Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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