No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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