haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
