i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
