I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
