Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
