Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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