11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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