Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
