He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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