the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she told me i tasted like america
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
