Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
