What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
