I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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