I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
