Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
