Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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