we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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