I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
