Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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