for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
