we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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