Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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