He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
