Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
