would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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