woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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