It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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