bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My vagina just clenched in fear
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
