i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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