omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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