Already got asked if we're dating
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
