I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
