He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
