member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
