Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
worst night to have a conscience
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
