I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
