Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
