why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
