i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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