Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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