Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
People with herpes should wear stickers.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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