i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
