I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
