I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
