Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm at about main and main street
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
