I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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