lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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