Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
