Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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