We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
