You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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