it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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