I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
