I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
