I think i peed on brittanys purse
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize