Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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