He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
