On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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