my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
