i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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