I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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