he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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