Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
