he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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