Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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