its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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